Category: Let's talk
I have a perception question, hopefully some of you who are either teenagers or maybe early twenties; this isn't a parenting issue, but a perception one:
How would you feel, all else being equal, if your parent(s) wanted to 'friend' you on Facebook? For me this is not a trust issue; I trust my daughter and if I didn't believe an answer I could find out if nothing else by just looking by IP in my router's logs. So that out of the way, not an issue here, what would your perception of being asked be? I say asked because she knows; ask is ask, it's not a requirement in our house if just being asked, no double meaning or anything. I won't say how she answered so as not to color your response, but I will say the reason had nothing to do with trust or spying / looking in. If I wanted to do that, I'd have enabled more than just the IP log on the router, or even just checked the history; she's not a techie by any stretch. Thanks for your responses, and no she doesn't know I've aksed; I know kids think that's wierd. I would've too but people at least in my sphere didn't consider stuff like kids' perception then.
i've no problem having my parents to my facebook account if they have one, it is a good way to communicate with them, and knowing what they doing, or wise verser. but i suppose, i'm in different situation. as someone alone in overseas, facebook provides some how of communication parth way between me and my family.
by saying so though, i'll be careful to put things up there, regarding of my status etc etc. somehow, it is just feeling weird to have parents check closely on what i'm doing. not that i've done anything that is out of normal, but still, just weird.
Thanks Season. what about those who still live at home? My daughter's fifteen to give a generic age range ...
My mother is my Facebook friend. It's not a big deal to me, I don't have anything on there that I wouldn't want her to see. I do find myself censoring certain things a bit more than I might otherwise, but that's really the only thought I ever give it. I've got most of my family as friends, my sister, aunt, uncle, cousins ...
I don't have Facebook, but I and other family members (including Mom) do have Myspace. If my mom asked me to friend her, I wouldn't mind at all. I have several relatives most of them younger, as friends, and just for the fact that it is a public site, I wouldn't put anything I wouldn't want her (much less a potential employer) to see. I know you can choose to hide some things and make them private, but I don't mess with all that stuff. I figure if I have to "hide" anything, and make them for only certain people to see, I'd rather not put it on a public site in the first place.
Thanks for the responses. I do like to see what she writes, not because I'm watching, but because I'm interested. None of you mentioned being embarrassed about your parents, or your friends knowing your parents are on the friends list. I thought that might come up. If I may ask, was that ever an issue for you? If so, when did you get past it? I had friends dealt with that growning up but being in a large family I pretty much struck out on my own anyway so never had parents at events or whatever my friends used to complain about. I just wondered if the social networking thing was similar.
My mother and I are Facebook friends, and we love to mess with each other by posting the most random and insane things on each other's walls. I suppose it's because my mother and I have a strange relationship, one in which we can tell each other things mother and son would not usually talk about. So, I don't have an issue with my parents on Facebook, though I do know people who would.
My cousin is on facebook, and I have her as a friend, but neither of my parents are on there.
i've always prefered if my parents never add me to facebook.
since mine are the meddling type, i probably wouldn't want them to see my wall, my friends list, my profile, nothing. firstly because they would constantly nag at me remove this, and remove that, and secondly facebook is, for me anyway, a chance to act ruder and post adult content, something i don't do usually.
I wouldn't mind having my parents on my facebook, mostly because I don't use it much anyway, and even if I did, I wouldn't be embarrassed of what I say in my statuses and such. My sister is my facebook friend, and that's not a problem. I guess it depends on waht kind of relationship you have with your parents whether or not you'd want them to see what you post online, but personally I wouldn't care.
I would add my parents, but put them on my Limited Profile.
The reasoning behind this is that they would feel hurt, and therefore whine and complain and moan at me, about not being added to my profile. So if I add them and then block them from seeing anything but the more innocent and harmless things I post, everyone wins.
I have like everyone from my family on facebook, and for some reason I have no problem with it. I feel that it brings us closer in some way, and we can understand each other better.
This has all been helpful and, coming from the parent side of the equation, appreciated. To Miss Em, I know every parent's different, but were my daughter to do as you have with the profile, and I found out, I would only have two things to say: First good job for taking control of your settings, and second, I hope you've the guts to do so even when it's your peers. You're older than she is, so don't feel patronized I meant none of that, but too often kids her age / my nieces and such, to me seem to be not masters of, but slaves to, the technology. And that being said from someone who writes software for a living so go figure.
So personally I find your response refreshing, because it means this is possible for them to learn. Too often we probably either overreact or just throw up our hands, and I think neither is the answer ...
my mom (who's legally my aunt) is on my facebook, and I don't have a problem with that at all. I even have her listed as my parent; our relationship is wonderful.
Almost my family are on Facebook, and i don't mind it a bit. I think it's cool actually. My dad doesn't have one, but he uses my mom's account for the farm applications.
Well oddly enough, last night I just asked her about it, she said initially she'd denied my friend request then started looking to add me, but since I have a really common name, even with the picture she had quit. I asked how she felt about it, and her response was neutral. We parents all know that can mean one of several things ... we were there once ... but the adding the friend thing wasn't so much the big issue to me as learning from uninvolved sources what a question like that actually means; I mean when we were kids you just had phone numbers, no Internet, cell phones were the size of a big potato and owned by 'yuppies' - my daughter asked what one of those was ... and I actually think you guys have in a way less privacy than we did, because what we did was out on the street or whatever, and word only got back to mom and dad by a nark (informant) whereas now you all - well I shouldn't say you, but - put it online and wonder why you got found out. Some now think that a more intense monitoring is the way to go; I've even heard of GPS trackers in cars with kid drivers, so parents know if they went off track, like just to drop in at Starbucks? I think all that's a wash and fosters indignity and disrespect, unless there's a trust violation. But if you're it's doing the monitoring thing all the time, then IMHO kids aren't learning how to *be* trusted, definitely an important skill. Glad to see that you all, and she also, don't see a friend request like that as hovering or the 'Helicopter' thing , both of which I find interminably useless
I've got my mom, my sister, and a few of my cousins on mine. I don't mind it and I really don't change anything about what I post. I know that if I do say something that is a bit odd, my mom usualy gives me a call later in the day asking about it.
My whole family is on facebook. I do block my uncle the judge from seeing some things but other than that I do not care.
I personally would feel horrible if my mom added me, but that's because I'm not accepted in my family anyway mainly because of my beliefs and what I do. I already get enough lectures at home form my mom about so many things, I don't think I could stand her being on my facebook. This could have to do from me being from an International family though, where corpral punishments and "do as I say!" is very much enforced. I already try to hide so many activities I do from my family anyway, I don't think I could bare them being on Facebook...
I wouldn't want my parent's on my friends list simply because I am Asian and the asian thing is... just a little for over protecting. No, they don't shelter me, but they do become overprotective.
As a leader and a person who is lead, I'll speak a little on the ideology of good leadership, parenting, and being an eficient authority figure. I've been commented on my leadership, and I tend to be a communicator and a good one at that.
Now, the problem with a lot of parents is that they scream, moan and generally make a great deal of fuss on what you do. I as a leader do not like that type of deal. I want cooperation and just saying, "Now, shut up and be a good girl." isn't going to help anything much. It's called persuasion. You make them realize by swaying them towards believing that they did wrong and must fix the situation. You don't nag them on it, you sit down and explain what's wrong with it. Give them all the true consequences of there action and include the good side too, if there is any. It is important to have them convert themselves. I've done it with many and have succeeded quite well. Yes, I do believe in tight moderation, I do it myself, but again the problem is the authority drama. Yelling and screaming is not going to help anything. Scaring them isn't either. You must either compromise or persuade. Shouting will either drive there emotions to termoil or just cause them to shout louder. Why don't you do it peacefully and tactfully. Also, another issue I've encountered while working with other leaders or watching leaders while under them is I see the problem with not listening. Being the leader is great, but you must remember it isn't just your opinion that matters. All opinion matters whether you agree or not. You must do a great deal of listening and only some talking. The power of domination comes with numerous consequences. There was a time when I believed in that, but presently the listening has worked much better and my leadership has become much more eficient.
Rachel
I used to have my older sister on facebook. Now she doesn't have Internet capability. Sad.
I added my mother as a friend, but she is so technologically challenged that she doesn't know about it that much - her friend persuaded her to get an account and she never uses it. I'm 19, almost 20.
My cousin is on facebook, and I think my brother is too, but other than that, I don't think so. I'd like to see some of my mom's side of the family on there, butI wouldn't know who to look for. And JAWS really doesn't pick up on written Korean characters at all.
Hmm don't get the whole leadership / drama business ... but my daughter is quite a prolific writer, and I find what she writes to be interesting.
Not just that, it is interesting to see what she's up to / into.
Then again, some would probably think a parent would have to tone down their own facebook connections if their son or daughter was to friend them. I'm not into that one way or the other ... but this has been interesting feedback.
Maybe things will get different now she's into high school and not junior high anymore ... less embarrassment or whatever
My parents are so negative, that it is dificult, that's why I try my very hardest when I lead to keep the spirit of the party going? You know, enthusiasm!!!!
That's right girl!
I'm friends with my mom, sister, and several cousins on facebook. My mom just got one almost two months ago. She didn't want one for the longest time but finally got one. I wasn't crazy about it at first. Although I'm extremely close to my mom, she does like to be nit picky. Plus, some moms and daughters I am friends with on there talk a bout the most random times they've had. Seemed awkward to me. However, I quickly and have her listed as a parent and on top friends. She really hasn't been too bad. She's asked me how I have some stuff set, such as privacy and what to put on some of the profile fields, such as about me and interests. Strangely enough, my sister, who is 17, was the one that begged and pleaded for her to get one.
You talking about me macy? *grins* thanks... I always like to slip a few encouraging phrases in there no matter if anyone notices or not.
lord, in no way would I add my parents to facebook if I were that age again, or really ever...
it's not just because I wouldn't enjoy trying to cover up some things that I don't want her to see, but it's because my friends too might write stuff I don't want them reading.
I'm of the opinion there are some things kids need to have to themselves, especially when they're teenagers, once you're an adult it's a totally different story, but kids need their free space uninhibited by parents. The bedroom, diary and the phone are all ways of having this privacy, and now that we have the internet, it's another place that kids do, in my opinion, need a space of their own to be themselves and talk to their friends rather than telling their friends to be careful what they say because they have their mum or dad on facebook.